


Before I Realized

by Mad_Birdy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Human Castiel, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 10:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14494830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Birdy/pseuds/Mad_Birdy
Summary: Castiel is human, and after the incident with the Rit Zien, he has to find somewhere to stay. Fortunately, there's a certain bar owner who offers to help him.





	Before I Realized

**Author's Note:**

> hi there, I'm just uploading some of my old fics that I never cross-posted from Tumblr. an ungodly amount of them will be from first person POV. please forgive me

As the bell over the door chimed, I caught myself glancing over in the expectation that it was him. A smile rose unbidden to my lips when his familiar silhouette moved forward from the doorway and made its way to the bar. “It’s a bit early for you today, isn’t it?” I asked the man as he took a seat across the bar from where I was cleaning glasses.

“My manager let me off early today.” His gruff voice sent shivers down my spine as he spoke. “She said I had been working too much this past week and deserved a break.”

“Good reason to start drinking early,” I replied, setting down the glass I’d been wiping and putting some ice in it.

“Have I gotten that predictable?” he asked, eyeing the whiskey bottle in my hand as I poured a double shot into the glass for the whiskey and Coke he ordered every day.

“Yes,” I hesitated, confused, when I saw a flash of fear in his eyes. “But it’s not a bad thing. Makes my job easier, actually.”

“Hmm.” He seemed thoughtful as I placed the glass in front of him.

“So tell me, stranger,” I said, going back to wiping glasses. “What’s your name?” He looked at me with narrowed eyes and I wondered why he seemed so protective of something as small as a name. “Well, you’ve been coming to my bar for the last week, so I deserve at least that.”

He hesitated a moment longer before saying, “I’m called Cas.”

“Cas?” I smiled a little. “Isn’t that a woman’s name?”

“It’s just a nickname.”

“Ah.” I wondered what his real name was but decided a nickname was good for now. “Well, I’m Madilynn, but everybody just calls me Lynn.”

“Lynn.” He said it as if he were testing it out, then took a drink. “You make a good whiskey and Coke, Lynn.”

“Been working this joint since I was fifteen. I ought to be able to.”

“Fifteen? Isn’t the drinking age twenty-one?”

I laughed. “Just because I couldn’t drink anything doesn’t mean I couldn’t work the bar. My parents owned this place and when I started asking for spending money, they put me on part-time here. Mostly cleaning tables and bathrooms, but every once in a while my dad’d pull me behind the bar and show me how to mix drinks.”

“Where are your parents now?”

“My mom died about five years ago.” I looked down. Sometimes the loss still stung when I would talk about her.

“I’m sorry.” The look in his eyes was sympathetic, but not pitying, as if he knew what it was like to lose family, as if it had happened to him often.

“Yeah, well, there was nothing to be done about it. It was sudden, so she didn’t suffer, but my dad wanders around now. He gave my sister and me the bar and the house and all the profits except for what he used to buy an RV that he wanders around the states in. He checks in here with me from time to time, but mostly he likes the solitude. It helps him cope. My sister’s in her last year of college and is heading for medical school afterwards.” He was staring at me with those cobalt blue eyes of his and it took me a few moments to get myself together and ask him, “What about you? Any family?”

His eyebrows rose, then he tilted his head and looked down at his drink. “No one’s seen my father in years and my brothers and sisters fight amongst themselves. I left because I don’t belong with them any more.”

“And your mother?”

He seemed to search for an answer before settling with, “It’s complicated.”

I nodded. Places like these are filled with people who have “it’s complicated” written in the blanks of their lives. I guess that’s why I loved working at my bar. There was always the potential to help someone who needed it. Like Cas. Every time our eyes connected, I could see the pain and sorrow in them. I could see it in the set of his shoulders as he sat at the bar, and I could hear it in the tone of his voice. This man named Cas had had nasty stuff happen to him, very recently. On a whim, I said, “That drink’s on me.”

“No, I’ll pay--” he started to say but I cut him off with a wave.

“I insist. It’s not everyday I share a piece of my life’s story with a stranger, or get a stranger to share theirs with me. So that one’s on me.”

For a moment it seemed like he was going to keep arguing, but then his shoulders fell infinitesimally and he said, “Thank you, Lynn.” The evening rush came in, then, and we didn’t speak for the rest of the night. But Cas just sat there, nursing the drink, as if he wanted to make it last, and his eyes followed me as I moved around behind the bar, pouring drinks and making change. When I’d catch him staring, I’d give him a small smile, but he never returned it. He left sometime in the middle of a bar fight that I had to break up, so I didn’t see him go. But when I went to collect his empty glass, there were six crumpled one dollar bills beside it with a note messily scrawled on a napkin: “It’s a tip.”

\-----

He didn’t come in the next day, or the next, to my surprise. But then he was there on Monday, as soon as the bar was open. I watched Cas come in and take a seat at one of the booths at the far edge of the room, glancing briefly at the menu before ordering when one of my waitresses, Amanda, came to his table. As he sat there, waiting for his food, I noticed his shoulders were particularly slumped, his face was thin and pale, and he had a stuffed backpack next to him. I made a quick decision and walked into the kitchen, saying, “Amanda, why don’t you work the bar, just for the afternoon? It won’t be very busy until about six, so you should be fine. I’ll handle the tables.”

“Sure,” she answered. “I could use the practice.” She quickly headed out to the bar and I leaned against the wall in the kitchen, waiting on Cas’ order. I noticed he’d ordered a plain Coke, so I made a glass for myself as well, and, when his food was done, took it all out to his table with a bottle of whiskey.

“Hey there, Cas,” I said. “Got a burger here with your name on it.”

He looked up at the sound of my voice, and his brow furrowed when he saw the two glasses and whiskey. “I only ordered one Coke,” he said.

“I know.” I set the plate of food in front of him, along with his drink. “The other one’s for me.” Sitting down across from him in the booth, I put my own Coke down on the table with the whiskey and set the tray on the seat beside me. “Well, eat,” I said as he stared at me while I poured a shot of whiskey into my Coke. “You look like you need it.” His cheeks reddened with embarrassment and he looked down at his plate before finally taking the burger and beginning to eat. I sat in silence, letting him enjoy the burger while I considered how exactly I was going to ask him if he was alright without sounding like a concerned mother. “Missed your business the last couple of days,” I said.

“A brother of mine came to town,” he answered without looking away from his food. “I… ran into him while he was here.”

“How did that go?”

“It wasn’t as pleasant as I hoped.”

“I’m sorry about that. Have a drink to make it better.” I went to pour some alcohol into his Coke but he put his hand over it to stop me.

“I can’t pay for that,” he said quietly, avoiding my eyes.

“That’s fine, it’ll be on me again.”

“No, I can’t allow that.” His voice, though quiet, was firm. “I… I need to learn how to take care of myself. How to provide for myself.”

“What’s happened?” I asked. I could tell something else had happened besides seeing his brother over the weekend.

“I quit my job.”

“Why?”

“Because I made a mistake.”

“We all do that, Cas. That’s no reason to quit a job.”

“It was a very big mistake.”

I was silent as I watched him finish off his fries. “Wanna talk about it?”

His eyes connected with mine, freezing me in my spot. It was like he was looking for something, searching for a reason to trust me. And in his eyes I saw that sadness and pain that had captivated me before, but now I also saw fear and anxiety, and maybe a little bit of hope. “You wouldn’t believe me,” he said eventually.

“And you wouldn’t believe most of the stories I have to tell about my childhood.” His eyebrows rose, then drew together, and he looked me over, as if seeing me for the first time. “Try me, Cas,” I challenged, taking a sip of my whiskey and Coke.

He looked at me for a moment longer, then grabbed the whiskey bottle and poured a shot of it into his own glass. I suppressed a smile as he took a drink, and then he said, “I haven’t always been human. I used to be an angel of the Lord.”

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open as I let out a long, “Oh,” in sudden understanding.

“I said you wouldn’t believe me.”

“I do believe you, Cas,” I said. “I know angels are real.”

“What?” He looked stunned. “How?”

“My mom’s death? Wasn’t an accident. She had always been a faithful woman, always looking for God to use her somehow. So when she heard the angel talking to her, she said yes almost immediately. The angel was kind enough to stick around and explain things to us, promising she’d find a way to let us know if anything happened to Mom while she was the angel’s vessel. She didn’t need to make that promise, though. We saw her on the news. Stabbed to death, with a strange, ashy shadow on the ground beneath her. A few weeks after that, Dad bought the RV and left. When Randi, my sister, went to college soon after, I started looking into angels. Most of it was the stuff from the Bible, but I did manage to find information on them that wasn’t as Biblical. Information that had to do with all the disasters that had begun to occur. That’s when I learned about hunters, and all the other supernatural things that actually exist. Hell, I even found the Supernatural book series.”

“You read them?”

“Not all of them. I read the first few and I knew the stories had to be real. Out there somewhere, there really had to be two brothers who traveled around and did nothing but kill monsters. I couldn’t bring myself to be a spectator in their lives.”

“That would explain why you didn’t immediately recognize me, then.”

“What?”

“I’m in the series. My real name is Castiel.”

“Oh. I’ve read about you. Not in the series, but online, in those angel databases they have.”

“There are angel databases?”

“They’re based off religious works. You’re technically Cassiel in the database, although there were always lots of comments and additions about a similar angel named Castiel. Now I know why.”

He was silent for a long moment. “So you know all about the supernatural?”

“I know enough. I know I need to protect myself and I know how to protect myself.” I paused before saying, “I know those freak meteor showers weren’t really meteors.” The sadness that filled his eyes confirmed my belief. “You fell with the others?”

“No,” he said, swirling the last of his drink in the glass. “Those who fell lost their wings but retained their grace, so they are still angels and have their powers. But my grace was taken from me, so I’m no longer an angel at all. I am completely and utterly human.” His voice was so defeated, so full of hopelessness that I had reached over and taken his hand in mine before I even realized what I was doing. I felt as surprised as he looked, but I left my hand where it was and squeezed his gently to reassure him.

“Being human isn’t so bad,” I said quietly. When he looked up at me from our joined hands, I gave him a small smile, which he reluctantly returned. “Now tell me what happened with that angel who came to town and why you quit your job.”

His smile was gone as quickly as it came, but he sighed and began to tell me the story of the Rit Zien and babysitting for his manager. He finished with, “So I quit my job. I told Nora that I was moving on, going somewhere else, but the truth is I don’t have the money. I haven’t eaten since that night because I need to figure out a plan before I spend all my money.”

“Castiel.” I smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it. I’m paying for this meal,” he looked about to protest, so I added, “And there’s nothing you can do about it except accept my offer of a job. I could use another cook anyway, since I’ve just got Barbara and she’s been asking for days off. So what d’you say? I pay for this, you pay me back by working for me, and I’ll teach you the basics of fry-cooking.”

“Thank you, Lynn.”

“It’s no problem. You wanna start now?” He nodded, a little eagerly, and I stood, putting the whiskey and dishes on the tray. “Follow me to the kitchen and I’ll show you around.” That afternoon, I taught an angel how to make burgers and fried chicken, french fries and onion rings. He dutifully stood beside Barbara and I, watching our movements and asking questions. I would pop out every now and then to check on customers and see how Amanda was doing at the bar, but I’d always come back to witness the look on Castiel’s face when he’d master a new skill.

That night, Cas helped me close up and I asked him, “So you have somewhere to stay, then?”

He looked sheepish as he answered, “I was sleeping in the back of the Gas’n’Sip. I have a sleeping bag.”

“Oh, Cas. Come on. I’ve got a place for you.” I led him to the back of the bar, past all the storerooms and kitchen. “My dad sometimes spent long nights at the bar to take inventory, so he had this room built here and put a futon in it for him to sleep on when he got tired. I would take my breaks in this room while I was in high school so I could do my homework away from the noise of the bar. You can sleep here until we find you a more permanent place.” I opened a little cupboard door in the wall and pulled out some things for the futon. “Sorry, these might be a little musty,” I said, handing Cas a pillow and a blanket.

“They are more than adequate,” he said as he took them.

“Alright.” We stood there awkwardly for a moment before I said, “I’m gonna lock the door behind me, and I’ll be here to open up around eleven. You know where the food is and how to use the kitchen, so feel free to make yourself some breakfast when you wake up.”

“Thank you, Lynn,” he said.

I said, “It’s nothing,” and waved it off, but he was insistent.

“I mean it. You’ve given me so much when you’ve only just met me. I haven’t done anything to deserve it.”

“Everyone deserves a little kindness in their lives.” He didn’t respond, so I smiled. “Good night, Castiel. I’ll see you in the morning.”

\-----

Weeks passed and the relationship between the former angel and I blossomed. He’d been to my house for home-cooked meals a few times now, and he had really taken to working at the bar. My phone buzzed and I answered, smiling when I saw his name. “What’s up, Cas?” I asked, lodging the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I stirred the fresh bucket of paint I’d bought for my living room.

“Lynn,” he said, a smile in his voice. “I was shopping and wondered if there was anything you needed that I could get for you while I’m out.”

A smile crossed my face at his thoughtfulness. “Actually, there is. I need some shampoo. I’m nearly out and my planned shopping day isn’t for another week.”

“Shampoo, got it.” There was the ambient noise of traffic as he was momentarily quiet. “The apple-mint one, right?”

I was silent for a moment, shocked. Then I chuckled. “You know what shampoo I use?”

I could almost see Cas’ eyes go wide as he stuttered, “I-I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Cas,” I said with a laugh. “How do you, though?”

More silence, then, “I can smell it in your hair when you get to the bar every morning.”

Smiling, I said, “Oh, okay. Well, yes, I like the apple-mint shampoo. Just bring it over to my house. I’ll be here all day.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon.” He hung up and I pushed the phone back into my pocket. I chuckled again and shook my head as I began painting the walls of my living room. I couldn’t believe Cas had noticed the smell of my shampoo.

Fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang, and I shouted out, “It’s open!” The door swung open and Castiel’s heavy footsteps made an appearance in the foyer as he came in and shut the door again. “Hey, Cas,” I said, turning from the wall I was painting to look at him.

“I have the shampoo,” he said, cheeks flushing slightly as he held out a plastic bottle.

“Just put it on the stairs, would you? I’m a bit busy at the moment.” I waved my hands vaguely, indicating the wet paint on the wall. He nodded, set the bottle on the third-from-bottom stair, and then came into the living room.

“What are you doing?” he asked, eying the bucket of paint.

“Redecorating.”

“Why?”

I chuckled. “Well, I got tired of the plain off-whiteness of these walls. So I thought a nice minty green would be better.”

Cas looked at the wall I’ve been painting and nodded. “Yes, it does look nicer.” He looked at me. “Are you supposed to get it all over your clothes as well?”

“No, that’s just me being a mess, as usual.” Getting a sudden idea, I leaned down and stuck my finger into the bucket of paint. “I think you are far too clean right now.” Then I straightened up again quickly, wiping my paint-covered finger on the former angel’s face with a huge grin. “There. That’s better.”

His cobalt blue eyes were wide as he stared at me, and for a moment I thought he wouldn’t get that it was a joke, but then a smile grew on his face and he quickly retaliated, bending down and flinging some paint onto my legs. I squealed with laughter and used the brush in my hand to wipe a wide stripe down the front of his t-shirt. It all went downhill from there, and by the end we were flat on the floor, laughing our asses off and covered in paint. “Good thing I put down drop sheets,” I said between laughs as I calmed down.

“Yes, it seems so,” Castiel replied, smiling. Time slowed in that moment, and I admired the way his lips curved into the biggest smile I’d ever seen him give. And before I realized what I was doing, I rolled over and kissed him on those chapped lips. It only lasted a few seconds before I pulled away again, worried about his lack of response. He stared into my eyes for a moment, as if searching for something, then smiled and wound his hand into my hair and pulled me back down for a long, heated kiss.

We ended up cleaning up the paint mess and then ourselves, and afterwards Castiel took me out on a date to the fanciest restaurant in town. I laughed as we talked, and I knew I would always remember the day when the man who used to be an angel became more than just a friend to me.


End file.
